Service Sites Day 1

My frustrations have been confirmed, as Francis told us last night there is no schedule for us or any sort of structure at all.  As we walked onto the grounds of Bonginkosi—which means “Praise the Lord”—we found 96 children, 3 teachers, a cook, and a gardener, all engulfed by their regular routine.  It is the only preschool in the area, servicing kids ages 2-6 who have lost at least one parent and are starving for attention.  The L-shaped facilities include 3 classrooms, an office, fun playground equipment, a garden, and a kitchen attached to a big room for meals. I will spend my next 3½ weeks here. I absolutely love the kids and fell in love with one already who said “upasse” (pick me up) every time I set her down.  They are all a bundle of joy and show me a little more of how God responds to us in love.  The teachers are timid, but thankful we are there; yet don’t have anything for us to help them with. No projects, or small tasks, only asking to help in the small garden and wash the dishes.  I feel like an unnecessary addition to the chaos, and though we may be helpful in nurturing the children and possibly strengthen family bond, there are so many people here in worse condition begging for willing helping hands.  I came to Africa in obedience, willing to go where God needs me, but I feel like we have been thrown in as leftovers to fill unnecessary slots.  Below is a passage that spoke to me last night as I was preparing to go which I rewrote to fit my situation.  

Psalm 44 remix

O God I have heard with my own ears and seen with my eyes how your mighty power succeeds all evil.  When you gave me loving parents and kept me pure from the ways of the world your favor was upon me and you smiled in on me.

You are my King and my God. With your power you command victories and reveal yourself through answered prayers.  You move my heart—proving your self to be real through Janet your messenger.  I do not trust my bow or my own knowledge.  I do not trust my strong will.  It is you alone who gives us victory over our enemies and humbles the people who may judge us.  O Lord I give you glory all day long and constantly praise your name.

But now you have tossed me aside in dishonor. You allow the enemy to plunder our land.  You have sold us at a pittance, valuing us at nothing at all.  We have been tossed aside like left over’s- unimportant to the group, the object of mockery and scorn.  You have made us the butt of their jokes and we hear the taunts of our vengeful mockers.  The taunts reach our ears begging us to compare our experience with theirs.

All this has happened despite our loyalty to you.  We have not violated your covenant, but rather stayed on your path with our choice to come to Africa.  Yet you have crushed our hopes in the desert, covering our hearts with darkness. If we had turned away from worshipping our God or listened to Satan, God would surely know, for he knows the secret of every heart.  Wake up Oh Lord! Why do you sleep? Do not reject us forever.  Why do you look the other way and ignore our brokenness? We collapse in the dust, lying face down.  Save us because of your unfailing love.